What Happens When We Don't Get What We Want?

What happens when we don’t get what we want? Do we first look to Jesus and ask, “How can we improve here? How can we do better? What do we need to learn?”  Usually, not. We like to win. We need to be right. So, we have to deal with that first, and as the Bible instructs, take those thoughts captive and wrestle them back to the truth. The longer we take to initiate that process, the more damage we are liable to do. 

Once we realize we’re upset because we haven’t gotten our way, prayerfully, we can ask Jesus to reveal an internal “to-do list.” Through a daily habit of prayer and reading the Bible, we can communicate with God about the root of our reaction. Maybe it’s jealousy, impatience, irritability … Through the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit, we can see progress in every area of our lives. It starts by simply praying, “I confess ______, and help me to be ______.” God honors those prayers! That’s the genuine faith and relationship with God we are created to operate within.

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We can talk about Eve eating the apple and how her selfishness ruined the rest of us forevermore. But we don’t have to look back that far to analyze the human heart’s reaction to discomfort. When we don’t get our way, a storm of emotions rolls over us in waves. Anger, hurt, sadness, desperation, adrenalin to survive, bitterness, and a ball of angst tempt us to argue our way back to a win. Left unchecked, the waves keep crashing, and the noise of our overreaction drowns out relationships, opportunities, healing, and more.

Take note of what happens the day after a national election. It’s selfishness on full display. Over-celebrating and incredibly crude insults flood our feeds. Neither side of the coin is innocent. Our need to win, to get what we want, is evident. (As if God needs us to tell Him how to navigate the political system. Sheesh, I don’t know what He’d do without us.) It’s as absurd as it reads, but we will still react that way! It’s human nature. It’s not our nature to be “true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable,” as Paul challenges us. It’s extremely difficult to fully live out the principles Jesus laid down without His help to accomplish those characteristics. And that’s the difference. The only difference.

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These truths, without the breath of the Holy Spirit wafting in and out of our lungs, are impossible to live out day by day:

“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:19

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” - Jeremiah 29:11

“Guard your heart above all else,  for it determines the course of your life.” - Proverbs 4:23

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Whether or not we get what we want, the way we filter our reactions matters. “I’m embarrassed” is a phrase that comes out of my mouth a lot lately. I have two teenage girls. But it’s not just their normal adolescent meanderings that embarrass me. It’s this umbrella of Christianity that is being used as a platform. Yet, the life we are called to live is dripping down the sides and onto the pavement without penetrating our hearts when it should. It’s embarrassing.

Love. Love God. Love people. That’s the way Christians are supposed to react when we don’t get what we want and when we win. Jesus said,

“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” – Matthew 27:37-39

“But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!” – Matthew 5:44

What are we doing? If getting caught up in a battle of wills hinders us from loving someone, choose to lose the battle and win the person. See them, listen to them, love them. When we stick our feet in the mud of stubbornness, we often miss the overarching point – the person in front of us.

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God knows the plans He has for us. We don’t. That’s hard. We’ve all experienced the rug pulled out from under our feet because we think we know what’s best for us. We flip out when we don’t get what we want because we can’t see another way. This biblical truth can pull us back to the reality of our faith when we are shocked and stunned by a loss, or over celebrate a win:

“’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.” – Isaiah 55:8

 When we unexpectedly end up in a place we never expected to be, sit and sob with Jesus. The key to genuine faith is understanding that we won’t always win, and we won’t always understand why. Life is hard, but life is good. To digest that truth, we can cling to this one:

 “Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” - Deuteronomy 31:8

 “No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Joshua 1:5

 “Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”- Matthew 28:20

 “No, I will not abandon you as orphans—I will come to you.” – John 14:18

 “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5

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Losing is hard. Disappointment, injustice, and pain is difficult. But it’s in those moments when we feel abandoned, hurt, misunderstood, abused, and neglected that He comes close to us. Many times, in moments of desperation, I have undoubtedly felt His presence. Hope blooms when we don’t get our way …if we let it. Healing comes, even if not the way we want it. Faith grows as we trust in Him even though we don’t understand and don’t get what we want. We grow into the people God has set us on this earth to be. Loved by Him in order to love Him. This is what fuels our compassion for others and increases our ability to love God and people.

“If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” Jeremiah 29:13

When we don’t get what we want, and that ball of fury is winding up inside of us – cry it out at His feet. Yell it out in prayer to God. Our all-seeing, all-knowing, ever-present all of the time, everywhere God sees us. He knows. It probably is unfair. It does hurt. It’s hard. He’ll never tell you it’s not. Look at the cross.

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Father,
Praise You for who You are: all-knowing, everywhere, all of the time. We are so grateful You see and understand everything we are going through. If it matters to us, it matters to You. No pain is too small, and no problem too large to walk through with You in this life. Thank You for Your unending love and compassion. We confess our reactions to losing and are embarrassed by how we act when we don’t get what we want. Help us to be humble, kind, patient, understanding, and considerate towards the people You have placed in our lives, God. You are purposeful. Nothing in our lives is accidental, and we can take so much comfort in that as we navigate the trickier trails of our lives. God, thank You for Jesus and for Your Holy Spirit, which allows us to accomplish things in this life we could not do by our own efforts. When we are scared, disappointed, hurting, and angry, help us to remember the truths we read here today and to take our thoughts captive – holding them accountable to those truths. Father, fill us with Your Holy Spirit and bless our lives with Your favor.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.

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Meg writes about everyday life within the love of Christ at megbucher.com. She is the author of “Friends with Everyone, Friendship within the Love of Christ,” “Surface, Unlocking the Gift of Sensitivity,” “Glory Up, The Everyday Pursuit of Praise,” “Home, Finding Our Identity in Christ,” and "Sent, Faith in Motion." Meg earned a Marketing/PR degree from Ashland University but stepped out of the business world to stay home and raise her two daughters …which led her to pursue her writing passion. A contributing writer for Salem Web Network since 2016, Meg is now thrilled to be a part of the editorial team at Salem Web Network. Meg loves being involved in her community and local church, leads Bible study, and serves as a youth leader for teen girls.