What’s Wrong with Wanting Grandchildren? With more millennials choosing no kids, would-be grandparents mourn the end of their family line.

By Free Republic | Created at 2024-12-24 00:02:45 | Updated at 2024-12-27 09:29:25 3 days ago

What’s Wrong with Wanting Grandchildren? With more millennials choosing no kids, would-be grandparents mourn the end of their family line.
Breakpoint ^ | December 23, 2024 | John Stonestreet Shane Morris

Posted on 12/23/2024 3:25:16 PM PST by Morgana

People often joke that if they’d known becoming a grandparent was so much fun, they would have done it before having kids. Having grandchildren is widely considered one of life’s great joys, one which, historically, most adults experienced. Today, however, a growing number of people will never have this experience.

Grandparents in America are becoming rarer. In 2014, 60% of people over 50 had at least one grandchild. By 2021, that had fallen to just over half. The historic decline in birth rates means that many who devoted their early lives to raising families will spend their later years watching those families end. The main reason for this is that many millennials, the generation now entering middle age, have chosen not to have kids.

Writing at The New York Times recently, Catherine Pearson gave voice to “the unspoken grief of never becoming a grandparent.” People she interviewed confessed “a deep sense of longing and loss when their children opt out of parenthood, even if they understand at an intellectual level that their children do not ‘owe’ them a family legacy.”

Parents of children who don’t want children find themselves in a difficult spot, especially those who have bought into the expressive individualist idea that children are a choice, and the only reason to have them is to enhance personal happiness. If their children don’t want children, these parents are supposed to be okay with that decision. Apparently, many aren’t.

For example, one would-be grandmother assured Pearson, “This decision was right for my kids,” before adding sadly, “I’m not going to have grandchildren. So that part of my life is just over.” Others who face silent golden years when they expected the patter of little feet are still hoping to convince their adult children to reconsider. One mother said she gently reminds her intentionally childfree daughter that she might not always feel this way—that the woman her daughter will be in ten years “will not recognize the person she is today.”

According to Pearson, she received a largely hostile social media reaction to her article, mostly from millennials. Their “how dare you feel entitled to grandchildren?” reaction puts a “silencing effect” on the whole conversation. In generations past, hopeful grandmas and grandpas would encourage families, but they now simply keep quiet as their children remain unmarried into their thirties, often citing climate change, racism, and school shootings as their reasons to be childless. One 69-year-old mom said her daughter has “made it perfectly clear … that this subject is not to be discussed.”

It’s difficult to imagine a more practical “ideas have consequences” moment than this. The inability of so many to articulate why not having grandkids is a tragedy and to be honest about their grief reveals much about our values. We’ve lost even the language to say what people for most of history took for granted. It is good and normal to want to see your descendants, and it hurts when that hope is dashed.

This moment also illustrates how ideas and their consequences are intergenerational. The view that children are unnecessary burdens or optional accessories did not start with millennials, but it has reached its logical conclusion in that generation. The rapid disappearance and replacement of once-common family relationships, including siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents has made the world lonelier for young and old alike.

Christians should “mourn with those who mourn,” which is what Pearson’s article attempted. The pain of never becoming a grandparent should be acknowledged and legitimized, and parents should not be bullied into unconditionally affirming every choice their grown children make. Kids aren’t products, so no one is “owed” grandkids, and not everyone will or should get married, but some choices are better for society than others. The record number of people in our world choosing to remain barren points to a deep societal sickness.

Christians should also witness to a countercultural way of life, including a positive perspective on children. At least, we can make sure they know they’re not burdens or accessories, that they bring joy, and that we hope—Lord willing—the same joy may one day find them.

None of this by itself will turn our demographic future around. But until it’s once again okay to look forward to seeing our children’s children, there won’t be much of a demographic future in the first place.

TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Society
KEYWORDS: prolife

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1 posted on 12/23/2024 3:25:16 PM PST by Morgana

To: Morgana

With the loss of our son to suicide, and the estrangement of our daughter, we’re kind of in the same boat. We do have two beautiful grandsons, but are not allowed to participate in their lives. It’s very difficult for my wife and I to see our contemporaries celebrating their grandchildren, especially at this time of year.

2 posted on 12/23/2024 3:30:03 PM PST by ten18

To: Morgana

Let the Leftist schools raise your kids and (often) you can kiss-off becoming a grandparent. But what the hell, public school is FREE, so that’s all that matters. Right?

3 posted on 12/23/2024 3:30:08 PM PST by BobL

To: ten18

I’m sorry, that’s got to be a tough row to hoe. Hopefully your grandsons will want to know you with passage of time

4 posted on 12/23/2024 3:33:59 PM PST by Jeff Vader

To: Jeff Vader

Thanks - I hope so. My daughter and son-in-law are very smart, successful folks, so I’m pretty sure they’re being brought up right. My wife sends them cards and letters (to our address) - so in case we don’t see them before we croak, they’ll at least know they had another set of grandparents.

5 posted on 12/23/2024 3:37:24 PM PST by ten18

To: Morgana

I have 14 grandchildren. Christmas is expensive but thats the only downside. It’s made up for with hundreds of hugs, and text messages and fun times. ( i had five children so 14 is normal)

6 posted on 12/23/2024 3:45:05 PM PST by DainBramage

To: ten18

Screwed up women should bring one child into the world. It’s their calling. Married women should bring in two. Stable couples should have 3+ kids.

Sound neanderthal? No. Its the way things should be. How do the screwed up women get their help? Answer: It takes a village. You heard it here first.

7 posted on 12/23/2024 3:47:32 PM PST by DIRTYSECRET

To: BobL

Our 2 oldest were private Christian schooled ($$$) and no grandchildren yet (one has been married 4 years, the other is on the verge of engagement). It’s the economy AND the culture. Our youngest, and the most conservative (homeschooled) GenZer will probably be more inclined to have lots of kids depending on what happens the next few years. But we aren’t getting any younger in the meantime LOL.

PS- Every one of our nieces/nephews have kids and they went to public school LOL. So your theory???

8 posted on 12/23/2024 3:50:05 PM PST by Reddy (BO stinks)

To: Morgana

If my children chose to not have children, there would be an adjustment in my will. Thankfully we have 4 grands, the light of our lives.

9 posted on 12/23/2024 3:52:51 PM PST by bella1 (Tytler's Cycle of Democracy)

To: ten18

So very sorry for the unimaginable loss of your dear son. And prayers for the estrangement issues.

I have a dear friend who never was able to have children. She said once that both situations (childless/able to have children) brings blessings AND sadness.

Big hugs.

10 posted on 12/23/2024 3:54:16 PM PST by Reddy (BO stinks)

To: Morgana

Son is 40, obvious he will never marry. Daughter married last month, her children will have his name of course. My children will be the last generation with my last name, a name which I have traced back to the 900s in Norman France. It is sad.

11 posted on 12/23/2024 3:55:39 PM PST by chajin ("There is no other name under heaven given among people by which we must be saved." Acts 4:12)

To: Morgana

The culture is sick. Movies used to always end with the couple living happily ever after in a small cottage with a white picket fence and 2.3 children

12 posted on 12/23/2024 3:59:51 PM PST by McGavin999 ( A sense of humor is a sign of intelligence, leftists have no sense of humor, therefore……)

To: DIRTYSECRET

WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THERE IS A NUMERICAL LOSS OF KIDS???

WILL THOSE CALLS== “MY GRANDKIDS” IN JAIL NEEDING BAIL $$$ CEASE?

I HA NO KIDS-—so this is a total scam.

13 posted on 12/23/2024 4:00:31 PM PST by ridesthemiles (not giving up on TRUMP---EVER)

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