By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-29 16:50:10 | Updated at 2026-08-29 18:22:03
1 hour ago
BENTONVILLE, AR — Local girl worm Shelly caught her boyfriend Brad completely off guard when she asked if he would still love her if she was a human.
Brad stared blankly at Shelly for a moment before realizing she was absolutely serious, vulnerability written all over her tiny worm face.
"I mean it, Brad. Would you still love me if I was a human?" repeated Shelly. "I would be one hundred times your size and look all funny and gross. What would you feel when you looked at me then, Brad? Would you still love me? Answer me!"
Trying to rack his tiny worm brain how to respond, Brad hesitated, immediately making the situation much worse.
"Why did you have to think about it?" Shelly demanded. "Wow. Okay. I guess I know how you really feel."
"No, no, of course I'd still love you," Brad said. "It would just be... different. You'd have arms and legs and teeth and stuff. I'm trying to picture it."
"So you're saying you'd think I was ugly? You would hate me and my skeleton? WHY, BRAD??"
Brad attempted to explain that he had never been attracted to a vertebrate before and simply needed a moment to process the hypothetical, but Shelly was already crying and burrowing angrily into a nearby patch of topsoil.
"I can't believe you. Just because I had feet and wore shoes, you'd be embarrassed to even be seen with me!" cried Shelly.
"I didn't say any of that," Brad replied.
"You didn't have to."
As of publishing time, Brad had finally managed to calm Shelly down when she quietly looked over at him and asked, "Okay, but what if I was a bird?"
The Babylon Bee finally exposes everything about the Jews in this documentary of hard-hitting investigative journalism.
