By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-11 16:55:25 | Updated at 2026-08-11 17:11:35
18 minutes ago
ARCHERON (LV-426) — A grotesque creature scientists identified as a Xenomorph Queen reportedly elected to freeze its eggs until such time as it becomes "emotionally ready" to have offspring.
Researchers believe the Xenomorph Queen had grown tired of its thousands of children after they killed all the inhabitants of a Hadley's Hope, a nearby human colony. Now, the terrifying monster was intent on freezing all its eggs before having more children, instead choosing to focus on herself.
Though direct communication with the Queen was deemed impossible, researchers were confident she just wanted to chill.
"The Alien Queen is a remarkable specimen — clearly pro-choice — and today she chooses herself," noted Weyland-Yutani Special Projects Director Carter Burke. "We really admire her. That's why we're going to store all her eggs for her. Out of the goodness of our hearts."
With her eggs frozen and in storage at an off-world Weyland-Yutani facility, the Xenomorph Queen now had the freedom to control her own destiny. She can always have children later, when it's more convenient for her.
In recent days, the Xenomorph Queen was seen at a local day spa getting a facial and reading a romance novel, no longer having a care in the world.
At publishing time, the Xenomorph Queen recounted her heroic tale of freezing her eggs for her millions of Instagram followers.
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