7 Boundaries God Expects You to Keep

Most of us don’t like being told “No.” 

This seemingly harmless two-letter word can unleash a tsunami of emotions we may have neatly packed away and labeled with a Sharpie, “off limits.” The reality is we often hear more than is being said when we find ourselves on the sending or receiving end of a “no.” While a person may simply be setting a boundary, we may hear a challenge to our identity and authority, which can feel scary and potentially threatening. 

I remember the first time my cute, little, fat-cheeked, can-do-no-wrong, 1-year-old exercised his human autonomy and told me, “No!” His favorite word quickly became my least. It was as if he proudly pinned a golden badge on his chest, signaling to us all there was a new sheriff in his toddler town who wielded the power to set down the law. My heart questioned how dare this little rascal, who I labored 47 hours to get here, tell me what he was unwilling to do. Blindsided by his response, I forgot the basic truth that God hardwired each of us to start setting boundaries at an early age. 

Psychologists contend that between 1 and 3 years of age, toddlers begin asserting their independence. With a child’s first “no,” parents gain clarity and insight into their child’s true desires and wants, requiring fewer assumptions. According to the famous developmental psychologist Erik Erickson, a parent’s response to their toddler’s newfound autonomy is pivotal and can affect their development well into adulthood. Critical responses from a caregiver signal to children it is risky to set boundaries, while patient and loving responses communicate that setting boundaries is safe and important. 

If you struggle with setting boundaries and saying no, you are not alone. A recent study determined almost 60% of Americans have difficulty informing others that a request, action, or behavior is not acceptable. This statistic begs the question, if we are wired by God to set boundaries as children, why are they so hard to set as adults? Some of our hesitance can be traced back to our past experiences. When attempts to set boundaries are met with rejection, disappointment, or anger, old hurts, and wounds can surface, causing us to feel reluctant to set boundaries in the future.