By Literary Hub | Created at 2026-10-08 09:24:55 | Updated at 2026-10-08 10:51:49
1 hour ago
Hello again!
Welcome back to the finest (and drunkest) corner of the internet, home of the darling and daring sensation known as Am I the Literary Asshole? If you’re a first time reader, we’re a bimonthly advice column that tackles all the literary gossip that’s fit to print (and let’s be honest, even some that isn’t). I’m your host, Kristen Arnett, and I’m certainly grateful to be here with you today. It’s always a pleasure to be amongst pals, am I right? It’s not about the literary gossip, it’s about the friends we made along the way.
And nothing says friendship like sharing a pitcher of beer! Let’s pour out a few and get to reading.
Onto our first question of the day, and it’s a doozy:
1) Hello,
I’m in a profession that produces its fair share of ink. Things ranging from how-tos to memoirs to niche academic texts. Some months ago I joined (or thought I joined) a writing group that was proposed as being for members of this profession. The notice I responded to described the group in this way: “Whether you are … newer or well established in your career, writing about (work) situations including your own feelings brings awareness and unseen possibilities to light. …this facilitated group includes opportunities to use prompts for in-group writing and sharing that writing with others.”
I had one phone conversation with the group facilitator and she explained to me the structure, cost and frequency of the group. From the conversation I got a flavor of who was already in the group: these would be professionals who had many more years of experience than me and who had undergone a specific type of (expensive, lengthy, niche) training that I have not had. I knew I wanted to join the group but I wondered if others in the group would want to spend time with someone less experienced and from another background.
So in this same conversation I made an effort to represent myself honestly and accurately. I clearly expressed my concerns about whether it would be a good fit. The facilitator waved away my concerns, saying that she thought I’d be a great fit and giving me a warm welcome. Since there was a fee for the group I figured that the facilitator held power to make these decisions. I was also aware that some of the long-time members of the group were leaving and imagined that this might make existing members more open to newcomers. The group had a hiatus and so it was several months between this conversation with the facilitator and the first meeting. I was truly looking forward to this group, eagerly blocking off time in my calendar and turning down other opportunities.
This could’ve been a story of seasoned elders welcoming a new voice into their fold. But instead after the first meeting I was told that I was not welcome to come back. The crime? Well, true to its description this first group meeting included a prompt for “in-group writing and sharing that writing with others.” As I have been instructed in other writing groups with prompts I interpreted this as a free-writing exercise. Before I shared I asked the group if we were sharing our unfiltered unedited drafts and was encouraged to proceed.
After the group I received an email from the facilitator. She asked me what I had thought of the group. I told her i had enjoyed the group and was open to any feedback or concerns about my being in the group. She then told me that I was not a good fit as my writing was “raw” and not “professional.” She said that I would not have to pay for this first group as it was considered a “trial.”
After this experience I can see that this group was never going to be a supportive place for me, and better to have found that out earlier than later. But I can’t shake this feeling that I was set up. I feel chewed up and spit out. There’s a particular kind of embarrassment to being rejected when you didn’t know you were auditioning in the first place. If I’d known that my professionalism would be judged on my stream of consciousness first draft I would have thought twice about sharing. Am I overreacting?
Signed,
Raw and Unprofessional
Oh, friend. I’m sorry you’ve been left feeling so shabby.
Since I’m not totally familiar with the exact kind of profession you’re talking about here (though I can understand why you’d want to keep things spare here, purely for the sake of anonymity), I can only offer up vague reasoning for why people in this group might have behaved in this fashion. But you know what, I can still speculate a bit as to why they might have done things this way! So let’s try to do that, shall we?
First of all, I am glad to hear that you’re not expected to pay and/or they didn’t take any money from you ahead of this initial session. If they had taken your cash, this might be another situation entirely. As things stand currently, it seems as though this is a group that’s on the up-and-up when it comes to money issues, so at least we don’t have to worry about you getting fleeced out of your hard-earned dough.
Okay, so they’re not grifters. The bar is in hell. Where does that leave us?
What seems to have occurred here is a breakdown in communication. Not on your end! You mentioned that there’s been kind of a shake up going on with this organization. Long-time people leaving, months between meetings, etc. It’s completely possible that none of this has anything to do with you.
Whoever the organizer is didn’t communicate properly with the people running the in-person show and subsequently had to handle offering you a rejection. It’s totally possible that the individual you spoke with on the phone and the person who’s running the meetings have some kind of beef. It’s also totally possible that now that there’s been this mass exodus of long-time people, the rest of the members are trying to shake things up structurally and establish a whole new set of rules and values. Again, not anything you could know about and nothing you could do here.
I completely understand how this would make you feel bad and I truly feel for you. But none of this makes you unprofessional, I promise. In fact, it seems to me that the shoe is on the other foot. The people in charge over there don’t know what the hell is going on and aren’t communicating properly with each other. That never bodes well for professional development. Be grateful that you only had to spend one session with them and focus on finding somewhere that’s going to be a better fit for you and your very NOT raw work.
More beer for you? More beer for me! Onto our follow up question.
2) Is it a-hole behavior to preorder a book from an indie and then not pick up the book? Or when you finally pick up the book, one of the booksellers has already had to call and leave several messages, not to mention sending an email or three?
I’m actually not sure of the protocol on this, so I hope some of our long-time bookseller buddies will join in the chat and drop some responses to this question either in my email or in the anonymous question link down below!
But my gut response here? It’s probably kinda rude, yeah.
I know that when I was working full-time at the circulation desk, I would have to call some holds multiple times in order to get people to come in and pick up their books, and quite often some of those people just would never show up. Those books had a waitlist, too. We had a three call rule, which meant I was dialing these people up more often than I was talking to my best friend on the telephone.
But yes, I understand that library holds are different from bookstore holds. For one thing, multiple people aren’t waiting on a single copy. Also? These people would hopefully have already paid in advance for these pre-orders, so the bookstore is getting the money, regardless. But I’d have to imagine that still means storage of the materials, then also the work of contacting these individuals who won’t come grab their stuff. That’s a job in and of itself.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say here is this: if it’s creating extra work for other people, it’s not cool.
That’s just my opinion! Booksellers, let me know what you think.
Okay, let’s split the last of this beer. Cheers on another wonderful day! Last caller:
3) Please answer this question for my writing group: what’s the best literary drink of choice (coffee or tea)?
Oh, how cute! For me? It’s always beer.
And that’s all the time we have for today, folks! Join me next time when we answer even more of your hot and tasty questions and I get the pitcher refilled so we can really have a party.
Yours in friendship,
Dad
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Are you worried you’re the literary asshole? Ask Kristen via email at [email protected], or anonymously here.
