Dear Jane,
My wife was never the type to care much about her appearance, but ever since we started sending our daughter to an expensive private school that has changed.
I suspect it's because the other moms at school pick-up are, to be frank, quite vain, regularly maintaining their Botox and filler and getting every plastic surgery procedure under the sun.
It appears all this has got to my wife. I noticed she started picking apart her appearance in the mirror, asking me if I thought she needed certain procedures or injections to 'fix' things about her face or body.
As much as I have assured her that I love her just the way she is, it seems I haven't got through.
Two weeks ago, she came home with the darkest, caterpillar-like eyebrows I have ever seen. It was so jarring that it gave me a fright when she walked through the door.
Even days later they haven't faded. We get stares everywhere we go now. It is mortifying.
She's convinced she looks fantastic. But I know her new mom friends feel very different.
I was picking up my daughter from school one day when I overheard them gossiping about my wife, saying that her eyebrows looked 'hideous' and laughing at her new look.
I felt terrible that her 'friends' were talking about her behind her back. I thought about it the entire drive home, wondering if I should tell her. But I know it would totally destroy her confidence, so I've kept it to myself, and I'm racked with guilt.
I just don't know if I should burst her bubble.
Sincerely,
Raising Eyebrows
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Raising Eyebrows,
Oh. The cruelty of the mom groups at the school gates can be breathtaking, can’t it? What a painful thing for you to hear, and now you’re carrying what feels like a heavy burden.
I’m so sorry she’s so influenced by peer pressure. I think probably best not to tell her. The fact that she is now considering procedures or shots she hasn’t considered before tells me she is battling insecurity.
The last thing she needs to hear is that the other moms are laughing at her. That kind of humiliation is a hard thing to recover from.
Instead, perhaps help her focus on old friends that actually have her best interests at heart.
Encourage her to build her confidence outside of being chosen by a group of mothers she doesn’t know. Suggest outside hobbies, or clubs, where she might find new friends who share her interests, rather than a bunch of superficial women with whom she probably has little in common other than the fact that the children are at the same school.
As to the eyebrows, they will fade, but in the meantime, praise her natural look, tell her how much you love her real face.
Most importantly, direct her away from needing to fit in with women she doesn’t know. Help her find her own sense of self-worth.
The fact that these women were talking about your wife in such cruel terms shows their toxicity, and whilst you must not tell her what happened, you can express your own reservations about them, and direct her to healthier relationships.
