DOGE Terrifies Dems [semi-satire]

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Posted on 11/17/2024 9:25:40 AM PST by John Semmens

President-Elect Donald Trump's intention to create a Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) and appoint Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy to run it has sparked desperate Democrats to contemplate methods aimed at preventing such a catastrophe. Senior Democrat on the House Ways and Means Committee Rep. Richard Neal (Mass) called DOGE "a rogue agency aimed at destroying nearly a century of vital government expansion. Before FDR took office in 1933 federal spending was less than 7% of GDP. Today it is more than 25% and growing. We can't let Trump's goons undo do all this hard work."

Rep. Juan Vargas (D-Calif) is urging President Biden "to take executive action to protect both employees and spending levels from being reduced. For one, he could declare all of his appointees to be covered public servants with full Hatch Act protections from dismissal. It would take years to conduct all the hearings needed before anyone one could be fired. A second thing he could do would be to sign long-term contracts with corporations to spend trillions of dollars. It would take years of court battles for Trump's hired guns to try to break these contracts."

"Speaking as presumed 'goon #1,' I think the value that these Democrats place on our bloated government is excessive," Musk asserted. "The notion that outgoing President Biden can somehow thwart our effort to cut waste is flawed thinking. Any executive action taken by one president can be undone by a succeeding president. When I bought Twitter I discovered that the number of employees on-board greatly exceeded the number needed to provide a free speech platform. I was able to reduce head count by 75% without impairing essential services to our customers. I think Vivek and I will be able to replicate this success in the federal government."

Vargas pounced, saying "Musk's savings came via eliminating the regulations necessary for preventing lies and misinformation from being spread through the platform. This lowered the quality of the previous Twitter experience. The same thing will happen if he tries to reduce the regulations that the federal government uses to keep businesses and individuals in line. The quality of life in America will decline. His dismantling of the Biden's executive orders intended to preserve this quality of life will doom the Republicans' hopes for retaining the presidency and their majorities in Congress in future elections."

Some recent examples of essential regulations the government uses to keep businesses and individuals in line:

In Georgia, Brittany Patterson got into trouble when police discovered that her 10-year-old son had walked the mile from his home into town. Patterson was handcuffed, arrested, booked on suspicion of reckless conduct and forced to post $500 bail. She called her treatment "outrageous. When I was ten I walked at least as far from home and my parents were never arrested or charged." Police offered to drop the charges if she would agree to sign a document guaranteeing that her children would always be under a watchful eye.

In New York, the FBI conducted a 6 A.M. raid on the home of Polymarket CEO Shayne Coplan and seized his phone and electronics. His crime: accurately predicting Trump's easy win over Kamala Harris. FBI spokesman Dooly Wong explained "when so many better known and wealthier pollsters predicted the opposite, Mr. Coplan's divergent forecast looks suspicious."

In California, the California Air Resources Board (CARB) adopted emission rules that will effectively outlaw gasoline and diesel fueled recreational vehicles (RVs). Under these rules RVs will not be able to be sold and registered in California beginning in 2025. RVs with more than 7500 miles on them and electric RVs are exempt from these rules.

In Texas, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) ordered a recall of 79,200 pounds of Kirkland Signature Sweet Cream Butter because the label does not say "contains milk." Interestingly, other regulations state that for a product to legally be called butter it must contain milk.

1 posted on 11/17/2024 9:25:40 AM PST by John Semmens

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