By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2024-11-13 21:30:40 | Updated at 2024-11-17 03:30:17
3 days ago
GORGOROTH, MORDOR — Orcs have banded together in protest of King Aragorn following his coronation in Minas Tirith, announcing a sex strike until he is dethroned.
"As an orc, my bodily autonomy matters and this is my way to exercise sovereignty over an Aragorn kingdom, you filthy man-flesh," said Stavruk, an orc fluent in common speech.
Screeches of "No more sex!", "My body, my choice!", and "Ovaries Before Brovaries!" have spread throughout the land of Mordor like wildfire, with some even reporting the sex strike spreading to orcs as far north as Dol Guldur.
In addition, orcs are reportedly encouraging each other to follow the tenets of the little-known 4G movement, as explained below:
The 4G Movement
Gork-Huzd - no heterosexual marriage
Gork-Uruk - no childbirth
Gork-Mug - no romance
Gork-Grak - no sex
"Gazat nar nog rot be meez soft skinz wiv Aragorn stiz king!" said one orc assigned female at birth. However, due to the wide variety of dialects in the Orc language, no one could translate. Still, she seemed angry.
At publishing time, the men of Gondor had reportedly been unmoved by the dramatic display, noting that a few less orcs in the world would be great.
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