By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-10-02 18:55:22 | Updated at 2026-10-02 20:29:40
1 hour ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to the attempted hijacking of FlyDubai Flight 1073, the Federal Bureau of Investigation reportedly formed an elite task force to determine if all these terrorist attacks can somehow be connected to a single ideology.
Federal agents confirmed that they would be analyzing several terrorist attacks going back several decades to determine if the suspects, all of whom happened to be Muslim, shared a common motive and were even perhaps linked to one another in some way.
"We're searching for any type of pattern here," FBI Director Kash Patel said, "but we're just not sure if these terrorists can be connected to a single ideology that would help us understand not only why they sacrificed their lives to kill others, but also where they may strike again."
The Bureau will reportedly be pouring through hours of security footage of prior attacks as well as archive footage of terrorists explaining what motivated them to become suicide bombers or kill innocent civilians, Christians, and Jews.
"I think we're very close to figuring out the connection, but for all we know these are all isolated incidents conducted by dozens of lone nuts," Patel said. "We're just not sure."
Special Agent Mark Hunter, who is heading up the task force, said he first suspected Islam as the uniting ideology until he was reminded it's supposed to be the religion of peace. "That certainly wouldn't make sense then," Hunter said. "However, we have noticed that a lot of terrorists watched Friends, so we're seriously considering the possibility they were all radicalized by Matt LeBlanc."
At publishing time, the FBI had formed another task force to investigate the first task force for alleged Islamophobia.
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