By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-15 19:40:17 | Updated at 2025-01-15 21:42:50
2 hours ago
LOS ANGELES — The devastating Palisades Fire may finally be on the way out thanks to the quick thinking of firefighters who attached late night host Jimmy Kimmel to a helicopter so he could quench the flames with his salty tears.
"Trump complained about the fire department's DEI programs," cried Kimmel. "And all the firefighters who came in from Idaho are white. White! THEY'RE WHITE!"
Authorities say Kimmel's tears are the most effective flame suppressant they've ever seen. "I wish we'd thought of this sooner," said one firefighter. "It turns out we had all the resources we needed to fight these fires this whole time. Maybe that's why Gavin Newsom didn't store any water in reservoirs. He knew we had Jimmy Kimmel."
Firefighters first learned of Jimmy Kimmel's bizarre ability when he went on a comedy show and cried for ninety minutes straight. He reportedly flooded the stage at the El Capitan Entertainment Centre where he films his show, sending several people to the hospital.
"It was a disaster," the show's producers of Kimmel crying live on air — again. "But imagine if we harnessed that power for good."
At publishing time, the Los Angeles Fire Department was reprimanded for putting out all the fires and saving hundreds of homes and lives because the Kimmel's salty tears were bad for the environment.
Trump had laid out his plan to absorb Canada and rename it to something better.
