By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-10-17 19:00:16 | Updated at 2026-10-17 19:42:38
42 minutes ago
SAN CLEMENTE, CA — With uncontained wildfires blazing outside Orange County, an updated tally shows that God has pulled back even with Governor Gavin Newsom in the race to destroy California.
Newsom had established a comfortable lead over the past few years, but the Almighty's latest strike has pulled the Lord into a tie.
"It's really neck and neck," said local man Vincent Lopez. "Newsom locks down the state, the Lord counters with an earthquake. Newsom lights $40 billion on fire, the Lord lights 400,000 acres on fire. It's anyone's ball game right now. The only thing we know is we're all going to burn."
Though admitting his lead in the race to destroy California had evaporated, Newsom remained confident. "Sure, God can destroy a house in minutes," Newsom said. "But I control the rebuilding permits. Ten years from now, when that family is still waiting on an environmental review, we'll see whose work has stood the test of time."
At publishing time, God had taken a commanding lead after judges ruled that Newsom himself actually counted as one of the Lord's plagues.
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