By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-09-16 19:50:17 | Updated at 2026-09-16 20:54:28
1 hour ago
DES MOINES, IA — Expressing a desire to escape the monotonous, hum-drum tropical paradise of Oahu, local newlyweds Kai and Leilani Kalani landed at Des Moines International Airport on Monday to begin their seven-day luxury dream honeymoon in exotic Polk County, Iowa.
The couple, who spent months saving for the getaway, booked a premium suite at a local highway-adjacent motel featuring a continental breakfast bar and views of Interstate 80.
"We just really wanted to get away from the clear ocean water and palm trees," Kai said. "Back home, you look around, and it is just beaches and mountain ridges. Here, you look out at the horizon, and there is nothing to block your vision for 30 miles. It is profoundly romantic."
According to sources close to the couple, the honeymooners planned to spend their week taking a romantic stroll through a commercial soy field, touring a regional fertilizer distribution facility, and experiencing the thrill of a midwestern humidity index.
"We even heard there was an authentic grain silo nearby," Leilani noted while browsing brochures for local tractor dealerships. "We cannot wait to take pictures."
At publishing time, the Kalanis had extended their mainland trip to include a visit to take in the beauty of Cleveland, Ohio.
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