By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-10-10 12:05:18 | Updated at 2026-10-10 13:00:55
56 minutes ago
HEAVEN — Heavenly residents have gathered in rapt anticipation, excited to finally get the answer to the age-old question of who would win a fight between God and Mike Ditka.
Coach Ditka, a devout follower of Christ, passed away at the age of 86. For decades now, the excitement has been building for the inevitable "Ditka v. God" showdown.
"Long have we pondered the outcome of such a matchup," said heavenly resident Marcus Samuel. "We know Ditka would win against a hurricane. We know that it would be a tie if it were Ditka versus a hurricane named ‘Ditka.' But who would win in a fight between Coach Ditka and the Almighty? This is what we've been waiting for."
Attempts by heavenly officials to explain the concept of infinite power did little to quiet the debate.
"The Lord is not simply a very strong opponent," explained an increasingly exasperated angel. "He is the eternal source of all power and existence. Every ounce of strength Ditka possesses comes directly from Him. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Sure. But if Ditka's strength comes directly from God, then Ditka literally has the backing of the Almighty," responded Samuel. "How do you defeat a God-strengthened Mike Ditka? It's going to be epic."
At publishing time, Ditka had knelt before the Lord in worship, which Bears fans interpreted as a sign that he was running out the clock on a victory.
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