By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-14 22:35:23 | Updated at 2025-01-15 04:55:59
6 hours ago
GRAND RAPIDS, MI — Zondervan Publishing announced today that it would be introducing a new Bible concordance that gives readers out-of-context verses to justify any sinful behavior.
The new "Sin Justification Concordance,' which features entries on behaviors ranging from being late to church to cheating on taxes to homosexuality, was carefully crafted and curated by a top team of Biblical scholars from Christianity Today.
"It's really a step forward for Christian ethics," said Dr. Gavyn Weber, who helped edit the concordance. "God wants you to be happy by doing whatever you want to do — which is why we've put together this helpful resource to help you twist, contort, and mutilate Scripture to justify whatever behavior you want to engage in. Are you a fan of abortion? Arson? Arminianism? Rest assured, we've got the perfect set of verses for you to justify whatever formerly unbiblical set of beliefs you want to subscribe to."
The concordance received rave reviews from several highly regarded, faithful Christians, including David French, Jerry Falwell, Jr., and Andy Stanley. It has also been adopted for official denominational use by multiple denominations seeking to rid themselves of biblical constraints.
"This makes calling yourself a Christian so much easier," said one review. "Finally, a concordance that puts every out-of-context Scripture reference right at your fingertips. Now I can live just like unbelievers while pointing to verses from the Bible that don't even come close to meaning what I think they do."
At publishing time, the new concordance had been officially named the official concordance of Democrats who pretend to be devout Christians.
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