By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2024-12-12 17:50:15 | Updated at 2024-12-12 20:38:55
2 hours ago
U.S. — Liberals are putting extra effort into their secular holiday plans this year, taking the time to stop and wish people "Happy Holidays" one last time before Trump makes it an act punishable by death.
"Happy Holidays," a tearful Sarah Stone said, holding her children tight. "I love you and I — I just want to tell you Happy Holidays before it's too late. Before Trump kills us all."
Though Trump has been silent on the matter, liberals are already preparing for the inevitable day the phrase "Happy Holidays" is replaced with the dark, Christian Nationalist greeting "Merry Christmas." Many experts believe this is everyone's last chance to say the more politically correct "Happy Holidays" before the hammer drops and they are all condemned to death.
"I'm glad I met you before Trump banned the very words hanging on my heart," Jake Winters, a stern big stock broker with a heart of gold told the small-town woman he met only three days ago. "Happy Holidays, Julia! Happy Holidays forever!"
According to liberal sources, Trump will likely roll out a legion of stormtroopers to shoot on sight any citizen seen not acknowledging Christ as the reason for Christmas. "I tried to warn you all," wept liberal columnist David French. "But enough of you didn't read my column in the New York Times. Now look what you've done."
Liberals are being urged to inoffensively greet neighbors and hug their loved ones after obtaining consent while they still can.
Here's what RFK Jr. will do to get everyone back in shape!
