By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-09-25 17:20:16 | Updated at 2026-09-25 18:31:11
1 hour ago
AMARILLO, TX — During the opening prayer of a Wednesday evening church service, local man Adrien Herald once again lost his train of thought as he began daydreaming about defending his congregation from Muslim terrorists.
Almost as soon as he bowed his head in prayer, Herald was reportedly distracted by thoughts of terrorists bursting through the doors as he bravely stood to face them.
What would he do? Would he dive in front of his family to shield them from an onslaught of bullets? Would he jump over the pews and attack the assailant? Or maybe he'd hide in the vents, creating a "Die Hard situation" where he could pop out and surprise the terrorists.
"No one really knows how they would react in that sort of life and death situation," he said. "But I'm pretty sure I'd jump over the pew and tackle the first terrorist that came in the door. I'd wrestle the gun away from him — it would be an AK-47, obviously — and start spraying. But when the gun jams — it always jams — I'd start doing jump kicks. I don't know karate, but I'm pretty sure I could do it."
According to sources, the rise of Muslim strife across the world as a result of unchecked immigration policy has led to more and more men being caught up in daydreams where they protect their churches from terrorists.
"He's constantly asking me if we were praying about someone's health or some such, and I ask him, 'Weren't you paying attention?' and he says, 'No, I was thinking about Muslim terrorists,'" Herald's wife, Sally, said, rolling her eyes as she recalled the numerous times she realized her husband wasn't paying attention during a prayer.
At publishing time, Herald had joined the church's security team to put himself in the best possible position to face the threat he knew would one day come.
Senator Mitch McConnell isn't doing too many interviews these days, but The Babylon Bee's Travis got the opportunity to sit down with the man, the myth, and the legend himself.
