By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-07 18:10:20 | Updated at 2026-08-07 18:51:48
43 minutes ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Staff for Mitch McConnell assured the nation that the Kentucky senator had been dropped off at a nice farm in the country where he would be much happier and have lots of room to run around.
After McConnell spent the past two months hospitalized, friends and family reportedly gathered to make the decision to "do what's best for Mitch" and move McConnell out to the farm.
"There will be fresh air, and so many other animals for Mitch to play with. He'll be much happier out there," said spokesman Andrew Fein. "I know the folks in D.C. will miss him, but we have to think about what's best for Mitch. He'll be able to roam freely, splashing in puddles and chasing butterflies. He was so happy when we dropped him off at the farm, which, by the way, is in a super rural place with no roads, so you can't go visit."
Fellow Senators expressed sadness at McConnell's absence, but were comforted to know he was now enjoying life on the farm. "It gives me a sense of peace, knowing he's happier out there," said Senator Lisa Murkowski. "He'd been so sick, and I just know the open air is doing him some good. It's so nice his staff was able to arrange that. I'm going to miss the little guy."
At publishing time, aides had published a reassuring photo of an overjoyed McConnell chasing rabbits out on the farm.
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