My fiancé made a taboo demand ahead of our wedding night... it's obscene, I can't bring myself to do it: DEAR JANE

Dear Jane,

When my fiancé popped the question after ten years of dating, I was elated.

After going ring shopping I had been waiting for months for him to propose, chomping at the bit to plan a wedding with the man I truly believe is my soulmate.

So, when he finally asked me to be his wife, it felt like a dream.

But that was before he made a request so taboo, I was shocked to my core.

He asked that I sign a pre-nup.

I couldn't believe it. I mean, we already share everything, groceries, furniture, even our house, so why would I need to sign a pre-nuptial agreement?

Frankly, I found it offensive. We've been together for a decade. Is he that uncertain we'll stand the test of time?

I think he could sense my apprehension, but he doubled down, saying that if I wasn't willing to sign it, then we couldn't get married.

Apparently, this is a dealbreaker – though it had somehow never come up before.

His suggestion ignited a full-blown fight. I tried to explain that his request made me uncomfortable, while he argued that it was a totally normal and necessary part of getting married, and that if I wasn't willing to do this, we would need to split up. 

We have barely spoken since.

To me, this is a silly reason to not get married, let alone split up, but I'm not sure how we can move past it.

Sincerely,

Indecent Proposal

Dear Indecent Proposal,

As excited as you are about getting married, there is nothing like practicality to burst your bubble. 

I can see why you would be offended. 

You might be worried that he doesn't trust you, or that a pre-nup is a harbinger of doom.

But, people who sign pre-nups do so as a practical safeguard just in case things go wrong somewhere down the line. 

It doesn't just protect one party, it protects both. And the truth is, in the first flush of romance, it's impossible to predict what may happen.

This is a clear dealbreaker for him. 

Either seek legal advice to put your mind more at ease with agreeing to this, or, as heartbreaking as it is, this could be the end of your relationship. 

A dealbreaker is not generally something we can negotiate with, but gaining an understanding of the pros and cons of a pre-nup will help you make an informed decision.

Dear Jane,

I was with my ex-boyfriend for many years and he became a part of my tight-knit friend group.

So, when we split up a few months ago, it was devastating for the whole group. To make matters worse, our breakup was particularly messy.

At the time, my friends assured me that their loyalty was with me, and that they would sever ties with him, but I've recently come to learn that wasn't the case.

We were all out for drinks one night when one of my friends casually let slip that my ex had a new girlfriend.

While that information doesn't bother me, I was confused as to how she knew, considering she and all my friends had sworn up and down that he was permanently blocked.

That's when the truth came out: None of them had blocked him. 

In fact, they had all kept in close contact, checking in on him and even inviting him to things when I wasn't around. 

Not only did they go behind my back, they saw how heartbroken I was after the relationship and still lied to my face.

They have assured me that I was never once a topic of conversation with him, but I have a hard time believing them.

In the moment, I just accepted what they said and didn't show how upset I really was, but honestly, I'm gutted. It's such a betrayal. I'm tempted to cut them off, but if I do that I will be left with no friends at all.

Sincerely,

Bestie Betrayal

Dear Bestie Betrayal,

When a split is acrimonious, it's not uncommon for women to band together in what they think of as 'girl code.'

The ex is cast as the villain, and out of loyalty and love to their girlfriend, no-one must ever speak to him again.

But I could not disagree more with this idea. 

It's one thing to not include him in social gatherings, but there's no reason why they shouldn't stay in touch. They loved him once too, and while they may have seen your pain, it's unfair for you to want them to cut him off forever.

When I left my husband, my girlfriends all told me they would never have anything to do with him. But I asked them not to do that, and instead requested that in my absence they would continue to reach out to him, check in on him, make sure he was okay.

That arrangement isn't right for everyone, but expecting your friends to hate an ex just because you do is too large a burden to place on them.

The other thing about break-ups is that there are always three sides to the story: his side, her side and the truth. 

Your heartbreak is valid, but it isn't testament to him being the devil. In fact, your friends have shown great maturity in the boundaries they have kept – they do not talk about you with him and, clearly, have not been talking to you about him.

Cutting them off would be a childish thing to do, and it would only cause you more pain.

If anything, be grateful that your friends are the decent people they are.