By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-10 17:35:25 | Updated at 2025-01-10 21:14:01
3 hours ago
U.S. — As the entire nation watched in horror at the devastation being unleashed on California by multiple wildfires, the American people were treated to a preview of what a Gavin Newsom presidency might look like.
As fires raged throughout Los Angeles and surrounding hills this week and forced hundreds of thousands of people to evacuate their homes. Gavin Newsom surveyed the fires as Americans saw firsthand what a Newsom presidency might look like.
"A flaming hellscape? Ok, good to know that's what we'd have to look forward to," North Dakota resident Mark Larsen said. "Add in rampant taxes, thousands of illegal aliens pouring across the border, and no prosecution for criminals? The country's future has never looked brighter. Brighter because of fire."
Many critics have linked the wildfires to Newsom's governance, or lack thereof, and are grateful to know now what the entire country would look like if he were president. The governor was quick to defend his record.
"My results speak for themselves," Newsom said to reporters. "And when I am president, I can assure every American that the United States will look exactly like California."
At publishing time, Newsom promised that if elected president he would immediately raise taxes, increase regulations to oppressive levels, and add an unprecedented amount to the national debt to give every American the opportunity to know what it feels like to experience the dream of living in California.
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