By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-10-19 17:45:13 | Updated at 2026-10-19 18:43:32
59 minutes ago
DALLAS, TX — Local parents celebrated their 3-month-old son Nolan sleeping through the night last night by waking him up every 20 minutes to confirm that the infant was still alive.
Sarah Cardston said that she first noticed the unusual silence at 11:40 PM. Rather than enjoying the rest, she immediately crept into the nursery, placed her hand on Nolan's chest, and monitored his breathing for four minutes.
By 1:15 AM, her husband, Mark, had taken up watch, using a phone flashlight to inspect the crib while standing on tiptoes to avoid creaking the hardwood floorboards.
"We were thrilled to finally get a full night's sleep," Mark stated. "It was deeply refreshing to jump out of bed six separate times to make sure he hadn't quietly suffocated."
By morning, the couple had checked the baby's pulse nine times, fiddled the room thermostat twice, and adjusted the video monitor angle four times. Nolan woke up well-rested at 7:00 AM, completely unaware that his parents had logged less than 40 minutes of combined sleep.
At publishing time, the Cardstons were looking forward to completely freaking out on the day Nolan tries solid food for the first time and experiences a brief coughing fit.
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