By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-10-19 21:25:10 | Updated at 2026-10-19 22:13:35
51 minutes ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and his wife Cheryl Hines were reportedly stocking up on mason jars of beef tallow to pass out to delighted trick-or-treaters on Halloween.
Kennedy said it's a Halloween tradition going back to his childhood when he would help his mother pass out beef tallow to kids in his neighborhood.
"Nothing scary here, just good, clean beef tallow," Kennedy said. "The world is a frightening place. This is exactly what kids need to fight off the monsters in their life — both real and imagined."
He added, "And it's not just for cooking. You can eat it right out of the jar. Delicious!"
This year marked Kennedy's second Halloween at his current address, but last year, the HHS Secretary wasn't sufficiently settled to offer beef tallow to the trick-or-treating ghouls and ghosts visiting his home. Instead, he and his wife handed out sticks of butter along with literature explaining how it was healthier than margarine.
"It was probably a mistake, because some kids would just swallow a whole stick of butter," Kennedy said. "Never again."
At publishing time, an early poll of the neighborhood suggested that the surrounding families would be skipping the Kennedy house when they go trick-or-treating.
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