RON HART: Midterm Elections — This Time, Democracy Will Definitely Be Saved (Until Next Cycle)

With the 2026 midterm elections now days away, the American political class has once again discovered that the republic��s fate hinges on a series of congressional races in districts most voters couldn’t locate on a map, even if their Uber rating depended on it.

Campaign consultants have dusted off the same PowerPoint slides from 2022, 2018, and, if we’re honest, the late Paleolithic Era. The only meaningful update is that the stock photos of smiling families now include more drone footage and fewer golden retrievers.

Polling continues to provide the comforting illusion that someone, somewhere, knows what is happening.

In the spirit of bipartisanship, both major parties have agreed that the other side represents an existential threat to the American experiment. This conclusion was reached after extensive focus-group testing in which the phrase “ordinary policy disagreement” scored lower than “your neighbor is secretly building a guillotine in the garage.” (RELATED: Who Heads To The Guillotine First In The Cultural Revolution?)

Candidates are therefore required to spend at least 40 percent of their airtime explaining that their opponent once liked a tweet that didn’t age well. The remaining airtime is reserved for promises to “fight for you,” a formulation that has proven remarkably durable across decades despite the complete absence of any agreed-upon definition of the word “fight” or the identity of “you.”

If history is any guide, the GOP will get “shellacked.” But if you are right-of-center and believe in America, then do not be discouraged; vote. Consider the following thoughts:

— Do you want your state to become the leftist thieving den that is Minnesota? It was the “Land of 10,000 Lakes.” Now Somali pirates control 4,000 of them.

— Do you want your state to be like the dying France? Protests there are setting the streets on fire. You’d think someone suggested a 5-day work week.

— Turnout will be key; will Democrats cheat again? They view cemeteries as voter suppression.

— Would you like your state or city to be like L.A. or New York? NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani mandated that cops ignore prostitution, and streetwalkers abound. They will offer you the “Gavin Newsom” for $500. It includes every position that seems palatable in the political moment. Pimps have even invented an app that delivers a prostitute to your home. It is called Ho Dash.

— DSA ultra-liberal Dems have been told to “play it cool” until the midterms are over. Abdul El-Sayed has convinced Mayor Mamdani to halt all flights into the new World Trade Center until November.

— Michigan Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed made comments comparing the NFL to our slave trade. Donald Trump wants to make peace, so he invited El-Sayed to Fort Hood by sending him tickets for the live-streamed execution. But they’re only good for the practice rounds.

— El-Sayed’s campaign was rocked by old posts his sister posted in 2012 detailing their family’s ties to the terrorist group, the Muslim Brotherhood. “Dr.” El-Sayed never passed the medical boards. He is not that smart. El-Sayed is running for Senate because becoming an airline pilot was out of the question.

— El-Sayed wants us to become the Middle East or Gaza. Say what you will about their education system; most of the young men there become rocket scientists.

— If you want to pay higher taxes, vote Democrat. I pay my taxes, and those who do not trouble me. That is not the kind of USA that I want to raise my 125 dependents in.

— Dems want to end fossil fuels, and gas will rise again under them. There is pressure; even Vin Diesel will change his name to Vin Electric. (RELATED: Trump’s Diesel Deal With Putin Runs Into The Ban Congress Passed On Russian Energy)

— Dems push this “Medicare for all” nonsense, which will be a $30 trillion mess. Stars like Mike Tyson, Kid Rock, and Sylvester Stallone are stumping for Republicans. Stallone has threatened to do a Rocky 9. In this movie, Rocky fights Medicare over his denial of coverage. You think Obamacare was an expensive lie? “If you like your doctor,” see him by caddying for him on Thursdays.

— Do we want to live in a city that railroads the Cornell-7 like they did the Duke lacrosse team? The boys can only get out of this if they appeal to the student court and plead “Free Palestine.”

If the GOP does not hold, expect more impeachments. All the Dems have is their hatred for Trump and the GOP. Even GOP Congresswoman Lauren Boebert endured a 2023 Biden-era ethics inquiry about her seducing staff and masturbating her date in a movie theater. Dems just want a Republican scalp, and the GOP did not back her because they believe women should not be allowed to participate in men’s sports.

A libertarian op-ed humorist and award-winning author, Ron does commentary on radio and TV. He can be contacted at [email protected] or @RonaldHart on Twitter.

The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.