By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-10 18:15:20 | Updated at 2025-01-10 21:44:33
3 hours ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Mourners who had gathered at the National Cathedral on Thursday to say goodbye to former President Jimmy Carter came away comforted after Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood sang a song about how there's no heaven, religion is a lie, and everything is ultimately meaningless.
The song, "Imagine" by John Lennon, known for its pleasant melody and nihilistic lyrics, is routinely played in Times Square on New Year's Eve as an appeal to world peace in a time of crisis, or to celebrate another year of debauchery, one of the two. Experts described the song as most suitable for use at a funeral, however, because the comforting lyrics remind people what really matters: absolutely nothing.
"I guess nothing matters and Jimmy Carter is gone forever," said one attendee. "Such a comforting thought."
Among the attendees were all five living presidents, with several of them hit hard by the loss of Carter because it forced them to confront their own mortality. But the uplifting song reminded them there was "nothing to live or die for" in the world so nobody cares.
"I cannot think of a more appropriate song for a state funeral," said former President Bill Clinton. "It washed my tears right away. Not that I had any. I barely knew John. I mean Jimmy."
"We're all worm food in the end," said George W. Bush. "Let us eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die. I read that somewhere. MAD Magazine, I think."
At publishing time, Garth Brooks denied ever playing "Imagine" at the funeral, stating it was actually Chris Gaines.
Thanks to clown world, it's been a great year for comedy. Here are some of our top-performing sketches of 2024!
