By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-09-21 19:25:16 | Updated at 2026-09-21 20:13:08
51 minutes ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the latest escalation of his administration's ongoing feud with the mainstream media, President Donald Trump announced on Monday that the White House had revoked the press credentials of longtime CNN correspondent Gríma Wormtongue.
Trump had reportedly grown suspicious of Wormtongue after noticing that every question he asked somehow ended with a recommendation to surrender to Saruman.
"He's a terrible reporter, very nasty guy," Trump told reporters. "Look at how pale he is, and the hair, it's so oily. Always telling lies, talking about Saruman, who, by the way, is a total loser. Never won anything, Saruman. Lost a war to a bunch of trees. How do you lose to trees? Nobody likes Saruman, not even Radagast the Brown. That's where this Gríma guy needs to go, back to Saruman. Gríma, what a nasty name for a nasty guy."
White House officials said Wormtongue's behavior had become increasingly bizarre in recent weeks, with the reporter repeatedly asking why the administration continued to resist the inevitable dominion of Isengard.
"Your armies are scattered, your allies have abandoned you, and the Eye sees all," Wormtongue reportedly whispered after being called on to ask a question about inflation. "Would it not be easier simply to submit?"
"Gríma, for the last time, this press conference is about farm subsidies," sighed Secretary of the Treasury Scott Bessent. "Cool it, man."
At publishing time, Politico had joined Sauraman in filing a lawsuit demanding that Wormtongue be reinstated.
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