"We Shouldn't Jump to Conclusions" [semi-satire]

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Posted on 01/03/2025 10:50:09 PM PST by John Semmens

These were the words President Joe Biden used when counseling his fellow Americans "not to lapse into anger and hatred. The man who drove a vehicle into a crowd celebrating the new year in New Orleans was an American citizen, not one of Trump's dreaded undocumented visitors to our country. We shouldn't use this one errant act to conclude that he was a terrorist. By all accounts he was a devout believer in Islam. A man of faith can't be all bad. The fact that he used an electric vehicle to run over two dozen people--fourteen of whom died of their injuries--showed an appreciation for the environment that the majority of Americans haven't been able to achieve."

In contrast, President-Elect Donald cited the attack as "a failure to protect American citizens from deranged criminals. Under Biden's leadership the FBI has been busy spying on, harassing, and persecuting citizens who speak out against the awful policies spawned by so-called progressive Democrats. Parents who criticize poorly performing public schools have been labeled domestic terrorists. Individuals publicly praying for the end of the slaughter of unborn babies have been put in jail. Grandmothers who entered the Capitol on January 6, 2021 to protest the stolen 2020 election were characterized as insurrectionists and pressured into accepting unjust punishments lest they be sent to prison for a decade or more. I, myself, was subjected to prosecution for crimes invented by 'novel legal theories.' Voters voted for change. Yet, we see President Biden lamely accepting mass murder because the killer used an electric vehicle."

Biden called Trump's reaction "short-sighted. Tragic as the premature deaths of the folks in New Orleans may have been to their families and loved ones, there is no denying the fact that carbon dioxide emissions from these individuals have been terminated. If we are to save the climate we must decrease the surplus population. Preferably this would be accomplished by more civilized means like abortion, but we shouldn't totally disdain rougher ways of getting the job done. My only regret is that I won't be having another term to help pursue more civilized ways."

In related news, Oxfam, a British NGO, found that "billions of the funds the World Bank has spent on climate change-related issues cannot be accounted for. This doesn't necessarily mean the money was stolen. It's just that no one in charge of the spending can verify what exactly a lot of it was spent on. So we don't know whether any of the desired mitigation of carbon emissions will or won't take place."

World Bank CEO Ajaypal Singh Banga emphasized that "just because we cannot nail down where every dollar has gone doesn't mean no good has been done. The threat to the climate is so dire that we must not allow quibbling over money to interrupt the flow of resources into our hands. Money that we don't receive won't accomplish anything. Even if only some of the money we receive finds its way to a useful project that will still accomplish more than nothing."

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1 posted on 01/03/2025 10:50:09 PM PST by John Semmens

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