By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-19 17:45:14 | Updated at 2026-08-19 18:06:36
25 minutes ago
PETERSBURG, KY — A local young-earth creationist is reportedly suffering a crisis of faith after realizing he has no explanation for the fact that Nancy Pelosi is 12,000 years old.
Thomas Paley, who is a firm believer that God created the Earth in six literal 24-hour cycles approximately 6,000 years ago, is struggling with the fact there could have been anyone alive before then.
"I can dismiss the dating of rocks by secular science pretty easily because, by their own admission, their dating can be flawed and is not testable science," Paley said. "But Nancy Pelosi? She just celebrated her 12,000th birthday. That shouldn't be possible."
Hoping for guidance on the matter, Paley consulted with the nearby Institute for Creation Research (ICR), which operates under Ken Ham's Answers in Genesis. Unfortunately, their researchers were as baffled as he was. "She shouldn't even exist. I don't understand it," said Dr. Bob Scopes. "The Earth is only 6,000 years old, and humanity could not have preceded the Earth. Pelosi's very existence is destroying everything I believed."
As the debate raged on, Nancy Pelosi's very reason for being called into question. "I suspect that she was placed here by Satan to confuse us," said Ken Ham. "There's no way she's literally 12,000 years old. Even if it were possible to live that long, Noah never would have let her on the ark. She would have died in the flood."
At publishing time, Nancy Pelosi had rejected requests by the ICR to come in for study and observation.
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