By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-09-24 20:25:15 | Updated at 2026-09-24 21:48:09
1 hour ago
DENVER, CO — A major airline company announced that it had carefully considered all its employees and made sure that the most heavily accented person would make all gate announcements for passengers in the terminal.
Delta Airlines showed the travellers at the Denver airport that it remained committed to diversity, equity, and inclusion as one of its core values when it put Pankaj Kuthrupali Gami in charge of making all the gate announcements at its terminal.
"Flite two-oh-SEV-en to VAH-shing-ton is now BOAR-ding at GEHT bee-TWELWE," called out Pankaj with a friendly tech support call-center accent. "Dis is da FY-nul BOAR-ding call, pleez pro-SEED to da GEHT im-MEE-dee-ut-lee and hef yor paas ready at da vindow."
Travelers in the terminal reportedly looked around at each other, hoping someone would have some idea of what had been announced.
"GROOP wun and GROOP two, pleez come to da PRY-or-i-tee vindow NOW," continued Pankaj. "GROOP tree, stay SEE-ted. GROOPS for, fife and six, do NOT stand in da lane — we will CALL yor groop. FAM-leeze vit smaul CHIL-dren and pas-en-jars who need uh-SIS-tans, you may BOAR-d at dis time trow da LEFT vindow."
Passengers looked up, knowing that instructions that may or may not pertain to them had been given.
"Oh, crap," said one journalist.
"Uh, what flight did he just announce?" said another American businessman trying to get to Chicago.
"Group 6? He said group 6? What did he say about group 6?" asked a panicked mother trying to gather her two young children along with all their carry on luggage. "Oh man, was it this line or the other one? What window?"
When asked for comment about all the confusion in the terminal, Delta's CEO, Bob Delta, released this statement:
"At Delta, we believe when we reflect and respect the world, we're able to better connect and serve our global customers. This approach of centering diverse voices like Pankaj is at the core of our business strategy."
At publishing time, the Delta terminal in the Denver airport had 200 customers who had missed their flights and were trying to understand what to do next as Pankaj explained their options.
Senator Mitch McConnell isn't doing too many interviews these days, but The Babylon Bee's Travis got the opportunity to sit down with the man, the myth, and the legend himself.
