By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-10-03 16:30:20 | Updated at 2026-10-03 17:09:19
40 minutes ago
CUPERTINO, CA — Apple confirmed it has fired senior battery engineer Daniel Li after he developed a prototype iPhone battery that lasted more than two hours on a single charge.
Apple officials said the new battery design was "incompatible with existing product strategy" and "so stupid" before quickly terminating Barton and escorting him out of the building.
"Why would you do that? You idiot," said Li's boss Greg Stephens, upon looking at the specs for the new battery. "Our phones are supposed to die at the most inopportune times. No charge should last until afternoon, ever. This runs counter to everything we've built here at Apple. You disgust me. You're fired, Dan."
Barton collected his things somberly, the utter foolishness of his actions finally hitting home. "I don't know what I was thinking." said Li. "For some reason, I got into the lab and thought, 'Wait, what if I made the battery last longer?' I deeply apologize to Apple and to my friends and family. I have no justification for my actions, and accept full responsibility for what I did."
At press time, Apple had fired another engineer for failing to make the next iPhone camera seven times larger.
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