By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-31 18:20:10 | Updated at 2026-08-31 19:26:13
1 hour ago
CLARENDON, TX — The honest, unfiltered observations offered up by local six-year-old Stephen Rawls have become progressively more hurtful for his parents to hear, sources revealed.
According to family, the boy's continued factual commentary on the daily activities and appearance of his mother and father was really starting to hit home.
"Aw, mom, I love how prickly your chin feels when you don't shave for a couple of days," said Rawls, sweetly patting his mother's face. "It feels so funny. It's all rough and not squishy, not like your belly. It looks like there could be another baby in your belly, but Daddy said there isn't. Hey, that's your second glass of wine tonight, isn't it? You sure are drinking more wine lately."
No one has been immune from the truthful assessments of young Rawls. "Stephen complimented me on how my nose hairs are starting to blend in with my mustache," sighed the boy's dad, Jim. "He told me it's easy to see my nose hairs because I'm always lying down on the couch, not doing anything. Then, he said it seems strange how Mommy has to remind me to take the trash out six times when I never have to be reminded to update my fantasy football roster. It's all so very accurate and unnecessary."
At publishing time, Rawls had agreed with his father that Mommy didn't need to put on makeup to look pretty, but added that she does look quite a bit prettier with it on.
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