INGERSOLL: UFO’S Are Fake (And Gay)

Below is State of the Day, a morning newsletter by Daily Caller Editor-at-Large Geoff Ingersoll. Sign up here.

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Greetings, Dear Reader,

HAPPY FRIDAY, this is going to be a tough one for some of you …

UFO’s ARE FAKE (AND GAY)

Guys, I’m probably going to get it from some of you on this, but nevertheless, UFOs are not real. Neither are aliens. There is no such thing. They are literally, and I mean this literally, as fake and gay as it gets.

UAP “Whistleblower” David Grusch recently appeared on Joe Rogan and said, among other things, that there’s a war on Earth between two alien species, “the grays” and “reptilians.” He said people had told him that humans had intervened in one of these skirmishes and actually got into a shooting match with some reptilian creatures.

Why anyone buys this shit is beyond me. In an age where there are sensors coating the entire planet, orbit, oceans, air, and where many, if not most, of them are corporate-owned, why would we entertain the idea that a shootout between two alien species and humans would go unnoticed?

One quick word on Grusch’s creds: He was an Air Force intelligence officer for 14 years. This sounds bona fide to civilians, but I’m here to tell you, it’s not abnormal for those guys to just be literal weathermen for operations. No joke, their job, more often than not, is tracking weather conditions for airplanes. That’s it. They’re not James Bond. They’re not reading secret squirrel documents all day. They’re meteorologists.

He worked at the National Reconnaissance Office (NRO) for six years. These guys manage satellites. This makes sense if he comes from a background of analyzing weather for flight operations. Grusch also did some stints as a TSSCI (Top Secret/Sensitive Compartmented Information) government worker on UAPs. This is a legit role, but with a hefty dash of salt.

What should surprise nobody at all is that goofy, even downright nutty, people end up in these positions all the time. I got a TSSCI through State prior to joining the Caller! The woman running mine lost my paperwork (everything needed to steal my identity and probably the identities of everyone within one degree of me), got fired, and they had to start over. So incompetence and stupidity are more common than you might assume!

The Central Intelligence Agency actually had a guy in its highest echelons get busted for using a fake identity and hoarding gold bars. My aunt was a TS-cleared cryptotech in the Navy for 20 years. She lives in Florida now, makes beaded jewelry to sell on the beach, and practices wicca with candles and incense and shit, the whole nine.

“Former intelligence officials” use this mystique all the time to make a name for themselves after their service. The vast majority of them are full of it. They were never operational. They were never “in the shit.” They’re just capitalizing on public ignorance.

On that note, how do I know with utter certitude aliens are fake? Well, I used to be a photographer.

About 99 percent of the videos you see out there are an optical illusion called parallax. Watch this video, and you immediately understand the bulk of “UAP” videos showing “fast-moving objects.” The irony about this optical effect is that the object in question isn’t actually moving. Here’s what it looks like in reverse. Is the river moving or not?

Almost all video we see of floating or careening objects is just optical effects, like the 3D picture of the ship that isn’t actually there unless you defocus and relax your eyes. The ship isn’t there! It’s not real!

There are some compelling videos. The ones that are not immediately explainable by seasoned and technically sophisticated optical experts still have an optical explanation; we just haven’t found it yet.

But Geoff, what about all the testimonies? As Erik Weinstein points out, we’ve got matching testimonies going back decades that cross demographic strata. Intel officers, pilots, astronauts, government people, your neighbors and so on.

What about them apples, Geoff?

Well, I might find that more compelling if we didn’t still have believers in “long covid.” Folks, the entire world shut down over a cold that caused an absolute, global mania. Human beings are particularly susceptible to public manias. We seriously thought George Bush and Dick Cheney wired up the Twin Towers. In the 80s, we demolished daycares and dug up their basements expecting to find satanic ritual sites. We industrialized cutting up children’s genitals! People seriously thought Lindsay Clancy was innocent!

This is especially true in places where Christianity has receded. On that note, I’ll give the witch trials a pass, frankly, given recent events around Lindsay Clancy and the Cornell 7.

Finally, the biggest open secret of them all: There is no such thing as interstellar travel, and there never will be.

People who work for NASA and even Elon Musk, despite his frequent appeals to colonizing Mars, already know humans can’t leave Earth. We’re biologically pinned to it. Spend two years on the Moon, die of cancer. Spend five years in orbit, die of cancer. Humans have enough trouble conceiving while attached to the Earth, and early studies on weightlessness are bearish, to say the least (they basically conclude it’s not possible).

The biology problem is hard enough, but relativity is even worse. It’s not an ocean between us and the next star; it’s trillions of oceans. The travel is so mindbendingly far that even beings with lifespans into the thousands of years would not be compelled by the over/under to travel all the way to Earth just to abduct farmer Ben Johnson and shove something up his ass. (GAY!)

In short, it’s so far and so risky that every trip we’d ever take from Mars or farther would be one-way. Same goes for anyone visiting us, even if they have a lifespan 10x ours.

I’m not sure the discoveries promised by Mr. Johnson’s inner colon are that strong a draw, and that’s assuming other beasts out there even exist. I’m not entirely sure they do. The most likely reality is that the unreality we are creating is a shared desperation, a shared delusion, to not be alone.

But we aren’t alone, Dear Reader. Stop reading about fake (and gay) aliens and go to Mass.

WHAT I’M READING

Driver Caught On Video Nearly Mowing Down Investigative Journalist Outside Methadone Clinic

He barely avoided becoming part of the Jeep’s hood.

Investigation Into Jack Smith Suggests He Was The Real Threat To Democracy

His “lack of remorse” may be the least surprising part of this entire fiasco.

How To Crack Down On Corrupt Politicians? Make Them Pay. Literally

Simple enough!