By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-10-15 19:10:15 | Updated at 2026-10-15 20:27:28
1 hour ago
AUSTIN, TX — Speaking at a town hall last night, Democratic Senate candidate James Talarico insisted that the Bible was totally silent on abortion so long as you don't count all of the stuff between Genesis and Revelation.
Talarico demonstrated his point by ripping all of the pages out of a Bible, then challenging anyone in the audience to come up and look between the covers for a verse about abortion.
"See? Once all the pages are gone, there is absolutely nothing in here about abortion," said Talarico. "If only there were words between the beginning of Genesis and the end of Revelation, we might have some guidance from God about whether murder is wrong. Sadly, non-binary Jesus gave us no such help, that rascal. That leaves Christians totally free to kill innocent children and also vote for me, James Talarico."
According to witnesses, a Christian in the audience stood up and argued that Talarico couldn't just rip all of the pages out of the Bible and then claim God was silent. "Oh yeah? Where in this Bible does it say I can't do that?" retorted Talarico, holding up the empty cover. "Just try to find it, you dumb Christian. You can't, because I tore it out. Checkmate."
At publishing time, Talarico had insisted that no one in church history had ever said anything about abortion, as long as you didn't count anyone who ever lived.
Noah's Ark has definitely been found and we highlight 9 incredible artifacts that prove it.
