By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-19 18:25:13 | Updated at 2026-08-19 18:31:54
8 minutes ago
PLYMOUTH, MA — Accused child killer Lindsay Clancy has been honored with Planned Parenthood's prestigious Lifetime Achievement Award.
Lindsay Clancy is currently on trial for the murder of her three children and is claiming she is not guilty by reason of postpartum psychosis. But, as soon as Planned Parenthood heard about her case, they immediately dropped everything to fly to Massachusetts so they could give her their coveted Planned Parenthood Lifetime Achievement Award.
"Normally a mom comes in to just kill one kid at a time," said Planned Parenthood rep, Heather Redrum. "But Lindsay killed three all in one go? That's an incredibly rare feat and deserving of this highly-coveted award. The fact that she has to "defend" her amazing actions is a sad referendum on women's rights. Every woman has the right to defend her life from unwanted parasites, those little globs of cells called children."
Representatives from Planned Parenthood said they stood in awe of Lindsay's commitment to her bodily autonomy and praised her as a model of what all women should aspire to be.
"Killing kids is only 3% of what we do," said Ms. Redrum mournfully. "Lindsay has shown us that those are rookie numbers and we need to really step up our game. We need the sort of emotional and financial support women are throwing at her. Planned Parenthood needs to capture some of that Lindsay Clancy magic."
At publishing time, Planned Parenthood had named the street their headquarters resides at as Lindsay Clancy Way and have also started a new scholarship fund for future abortionists called the Lindsay Clancy Scholarship Fund.
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