By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-15 16:50:19 | Updated at 2025-01-15 19:56:04
3 hours ago
ST. PAUL, MN — Local man Roger Marks faked his own death in an incredibly elaborate ruse to get out having to attend a church committee meeting.
With a Staff Parish Relations Committee meeting looming on Thursday, a desperate Marks decided to take measures into his own hands and stage his own death, complete with a fake funeral.
"I just could not take one more minute," said Marks. "When I saw it on the calendar, and thought, really thought about sitting there for three hours listening to people whine about the youth pastor not keeping his beard trimmed enough.. well, I decided to fake my own death. It took a lot of work. I don't know if you know this, but getting a real casket is a huge chore. Totally worth it, though."
According to sources, instead of attending the meeting, Marks spent a blissful evening on the patio staring into the sky. "Every so often, Roger would get out of his chair and bellow 'Freedom!', then sit back down," reported his wife, Cyndi. "A couple of times he knelt down and raised his hands to the sky, like the guy in Shawshank. He was really, really happy to not be at that meeting."
At publishing time, Marks had announced to his family that they were moving to Argentina after learning there was another SPRC meeting next months.
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