By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-09-26 12:30:17 | Updated at 2026-09-26 12:56:03
26 minutes ago
HEAVEN — After his recent earthly passing, Rev. Richard O'Hara was surprised to find out that heaven is mostly filled with Amish people.
A flabbergasted O'Hara admitted it was the last thing he expected to see. "I always thought the Amish were a sort of fringe cult, but they're everywhere up here," he told reporters. "I haven't seen this many horses and buggies since my last trip to Lancaster County!"
Saint Peter said O'Hara's reaction is quite typical for new arrivals to heaven. "Many folks are surprised to learn the Amish were 100% right about everything theologically," he said. "The true message of Christianity is really about shunning modern technology, beards without moustaches, and selling overpriced quilts to tourists."
This revelation had O'Hara questioning how he got into heaven at all given that he clearly wasn't Amish, but Saint Peter quickly put his mind at ease.
"Even though you aren't Amish, you clearly love Jesus, and you've been faithfully preaching and teaching the gospel for over 50 years," Saint Peter said. "You helped mentor the next generation of pastors and were a god-fearing husband, father, and grandfather. Plus, your wife made a ton of quilts. God's really big on quilts."
At publishing time, O'Hara was slightly disappointed to find that his mother-in-law had also made it into heaven, but he soon perked up after finding a 24/7 buffet restaurant serves all-day breakfast.
Senator Mitch McConnell isn't doing too many interviews these days, but The Babylon Bee's Travis got the opportunity to sit down with the man, the myth, and the legend himself.
