By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-10 16:15:19 | Updated at 2025-01-10 20:08:05
3 hours ago
SACRAMENTO, CA — As wildfires continued to spread destruction across large swathes of California, Governor Gavin Newsom reassured victims of the fires that he'll be more prepared next time now that he knows water is useful in fighting fires.
In a meeting with a crowd of people whose homes, cars, and belongings had been incinerated by the fires, Newsom reiterated that he won't dump all of the state's water into the ocean next time, as it could come in battling the blazes.
"I'll be the first to admit — having some water available would have been beneficial," Newsom said. "But now that we've been informed that water is helpful for extinguishing fire, we'll make sure not to put all of it back into the ocean. This time was an unavoidable mistake — we just didn't know. I plead ignorance. Now that we've learned our lesson, next wildfire season should go a bit more smoothly."
Newsom's statement came after several days of intense research into fires and how to put them out, in which his staff discovered that water was the oldest and most effective substance used by human beings to extinguish flames.
At publishing time, Newsom further reassured fire victims that the state would be even better prepared for the next wildfire season by asking the delta smelt fish if California could borrow back some of the water it gave them.
Thanks to clown world, it's been a great year for comedy. Here are some of our top-performing sketches of 2024!
