By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-10-16 20:15:12 | Updated at 2026-10-16 20:51:33
37 minutes ago
JUPITER ISLAND, FL — Professional golfer and driving enthusiast Tiger Woods was reportedly unimpressed with the new Tesla Roadster, saying he's flipped dozens of vehicles all by himself.
The new Roadster, unveiled on Thursday in McGregor, TX, amazed attendees and online viewers with its ability to drive upside down and propel itself through the air with thrusters firing 250kg of compressed air. Everyone watching the footage came away amazed at the intense innovation pulled off by the engineers at Tesla, Inc.
Everyone, that is, except for Woods.
"I don't see what the big deal is. I'm always flipping my cars," said Woods. "It's impossible to drive without careening off the road and into another vehicle. What does the Tesla Roadster do that I can't?"
Woods, who has flipped dozens of vehicles, and had his driver's license suspended for five years as a result, described the Tesla Roadster as "thruster slop."
The world sat in collective awe, astonished by one of the most breathtaking advances in human transportation since the moon landing. Woods, meanwhile, was dismissive.
"And I didn't need any fancy technology to do it," he said. "Just pure talent."
At publishing time, Elon Musk announced a special edition Tesla Roadster specifically designed for Tiger Woods that would feature air thrusters designed to prevent him from ever rolling the vehicle.
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