By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-03-11 16:20:19 | Updated at 2025-03-12 05:44:07
13 hours ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Critics raised allegations that the new administration was making moves to take revenge on political enemies, as the White House announced that President Donald Trump had revoked top Democrats' access to In-N-Out's secret menu.
The decision was made late Monday, with the Trump administration officially removing several prominent Democrat officials' ability to order anything from the popular West Coast-based burger chain's secret menu, leaving Democrats outraged.
"No more secret menu, folks. Forget about it. They don't get special privileges," Trump told a group of reporters in the Oval Office. "These losers have been living above the law for too long, and it's time to put a stop to it. I've heard Tony Blinken likes his Flying Dutchman, but it's not going to happen anymore. You hear that, Tony? It's over. Same with Jake Sullivan. I don't care if it's Roadkill fries or a Neopolitan Shake, we're putting a stop to it."
When reached for comment, one former Biden official was appalled at what he described as abuse of power by the Trump administration. "They can't get away with this," said Andrew Weissmann. "This is just more evidence that Donald Trump is a totalitarian dictator. Like everyone else, I go to In-N-Out every time I'm in California. Taking away my ability to order a mustard-grilled 4X4 extra toasted with chopped chilis is taking away my basic right as an American citizen. Trump is a fascist!"
At publishing time, Trump had ordered the Department of Justice to launch an investigation into reports that Senator Adam Schiff had violated the policy by ordering a Grilled Cheese and a Lemon-Up.
Under a new presidential order, posting in support of Ukraine will automatically draft you into the military.
