By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-10-02 17:00:18 | Updated at 2026-10-02 17:51:17
51 minutes ago
ITHACA, NY — Immediately following her appointment as a special prosecutor to investigate the alleged sexual assault of a female student, New York Attorney General Letitia James announced that she was indicting President Donald Trump in the Cornell case.
Fierce debate swirled on social media about the case, but James said she determined almost instantly upon joining the investigation that Trump was the one who was ultimately responsible for the incident.
"I know he's to blame somehow," James told the media when announcing the indictment. "Though he was not present at the time of the incident, has no connection to Cornell University, and was not named by anyone involved, I'm absolutely sure he's the one behind all of it. Justice will be served. As long as it's against Trump."
James made it clear that no stone would be left unturned in her effort to indict Trump for another crime he didn't commit. "We have unfinished business," she told reporters. "And by ‘unfinished business,' I mean I haven't been able to send him to prison, no matter how much stuff I try to make up out of thin air. But I will not quit until I get Trump behind bars for something he didn't do."
At publishing time, James had expanded her investigation to pursue the possibility that Trump was responsible for the death of Lindsay Clancy's children.
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